We here at 4-twenty understand that not everyone smokes pot. We’re cool with that, but we feel that you’re missing out. So, to help out non-potheads better understand why Mary Jane is so popular we’re going to attempt to describe to you what it’s like when we’re high, compared to when we’re drunk.

FOOD

Food While High: It’s no secret that weed makes you hungry. But if you’ve never tried it before, you wouldn’t know that weed makes food taste great. Baloney tastes like lobster, rice tastes like cocaine, grapes taste like Megan Fox’s nipples (that’s what I imagine they taste like) and broccoli tastes like… well, broccoli. But its damn good for some reason.

Food While Drunk: After taking several shots of B151 your stomach is basically done. Any slight touch to your stomach makes it rumble with pain. Most of your effort is used to keep your insides inside. Not very appetizing at all.

weed: 1, booze 0

MUSIC

Music While High: I usually come across the best songs after a few tokes. For some reason music enhances your listening ability and you notice things that you’ve never noticed before. All the great musicians get their inspiration while high on something and more often then not it’s marijuana. Great musicians like Bob Marley and Jimmy Hendrix are so inspired that they write songs about their love for Mary. Songs like “Purple Haze”,  ”Hits From the Bong”, “Because I Got High” and “If I Could Teach the World” are just a few great songs about the almighty weed.

Music While Drunk: I would have to say music while being drunk usually makes my headache worse. After a while it gets to the point where its all just loud noises and lasers. I don’t know why, but whenever I’m drunk there’s always lasers.

Weed: 2, booze 0

FAT GIRLS

Fat Girls While High: Unfortunately no amount of weed will make this girl look good.  But Mary Jane will be there to comfort you as you cry yourself you sleep.

Fat Girls While Drunk: This is a double edge sword.  But on the surface, damn that fat girl’s starting to look good. By the end of the night you’re almost hoping you can take her home. Regardless of the lie, I would much rather see Jessica Alba as I stumble across the dance floor than Jabba the Hut.

weed 2, booze 1

SEX

Sex While High: Along with your sense of taste and hearing, your sense of touch increases. A slight breeze against old Hector (my penis) makes him stand at attention. Every little thing is enhanced 10 fold and the O face cannot be controlled. Panda man up there understands.

Sex While Drunk: Drunken sex is always a gamble and usually the house wins (especially if she’s a giant duplex). You stumble home while attempting to take off your clothes. Unfortunately your lack of coordination will only allow you to get your pants down to your ankles and somehow you’re able to miraculously move your underwear to the side. If you’re still sober enough to wake up Hector, your next mission is to thrust and hopefully it’s the girl that’s yelping and not your dog. You wake up in a cold sweat, half naked with a beached whale beside you, a bad taste in your mouth, you’re cell phone’s missing and for some reason your anus is sore.

weed 3, booze -784

I think we all know who wins here. The whale. Booze should be illegal.